And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
