first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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