You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize