Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
