Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
