So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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