Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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