everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
