I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
