i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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