I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
