So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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