my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
