I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
