so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
