She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize