then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize