I love black thongs
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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