What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The power of my boobs compel you
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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