The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
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Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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