i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
