): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
where are you?
Hypothermia
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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