I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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