So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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