Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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