my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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