I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
