I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sorry about my life...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
