dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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