Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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