He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
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When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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