Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
