quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
