I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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