They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
