I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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