Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I need help removing her.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
