If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
