Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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