She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
