he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I love you.
Bad choice
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
