Screwed.edu
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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