Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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