I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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