I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
