My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
