While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
