Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
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I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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