you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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