she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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