It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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