his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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