somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
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Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
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At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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