Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
