Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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