Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
