I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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