I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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