Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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