They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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