She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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