i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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