The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
