I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
