Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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