Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
