My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
