When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she looked like the before picture.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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