Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
