Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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