its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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