Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
