Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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