I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
