im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
