I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
