my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
