Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
