Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My liver just broke up with me...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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